So, as this pregnancy progresses (completely normally so far, thank God!) I can’t help but worry/fear some things. I think it’s totally normal when you are, ya know, just bringing new life into the world, but I wanted to write about them for a few reasons: 1) to be able to look back on them and laugh (hopefully!), 2) to hear about others’ similar fears or concerns and 3) to let any other readers with the same fears see this and know they are not alone!
So without further ado, my top pregnancy fears are revealed:
Having a preemie
And not even just a preemie, but a micro-preemie. I have no idea why this is topping my list of fears, but it is! Around week 22 or 23, I randomly happened upon several different blogs where, unfortunately, things happened and the babies did not survive. There were three of these in one week, and it was right as I was approaching the time when the baby could be viable outside of the womb (24 weeks). I just started having nightmares that she was going to come before 28 weeks, and I just can’t seem to shake the fear, even though I am sure it’s irrational and totally unwarranted. I mean, I couldn’t ask for a better pregnancy (now, at least- there were some issues at the beginning that had us worried, but now everything is going as well as it can be!) So truly, I have no reason for these fears, it was just a weird manifestation that has seemed to stick. And you know what? Even if the baby does come early, I have every faith that she will thrive as a preemie!
We won’t be ready in time
I guess this really goes with my fears that she’ll come early, but one of my biggest fears lately is that we just won’t be physically ready for her! Part of this is due to the fact that we are currently remodeling our house. We started this way back in October, and it’s been done in three phases: 1) We turned our den into a 1/2 office, 1/2 playroom, 2) We turned two extra bedrooms into a master bedroom and bathroom, and 3) We enclosed our carport to expand and make a big family room in the entrance. 1 is complete and 2 is about 90% there, but 3 is not set to be done until the end of January or early February, and with some set-backs we’ve been facing, I’m betting it will be the end of February. The issue with all this is that ALL of our stuff is EVERYWHERE. We had to bring everything into the house from dry storage so they could work down there, which means the house is a mess (and has been since October) and we can’t even work on her nursery. Now I know, I know that we still have 14 weeks (ish) before baby girl makes her big arrival, but I really want to have everything done (like, everything from nursery to hospital bag) by 34 weeks (see: Fear of having a preemie), so that really leaves us with 8 weeks. Plus, a hormonal, planner mama is allowed to worry, right?
My baby won’t want/need me as much as I want/need her
This one is probably the most unwarranted fear. It all stemmed from a dream where all I wanted to do was love and smother the baby, and she somehow morphed from newborn to toddler who was pushing me away and wanting to be independent. Since then, I’ve been thinking: what if my baby doesn’t want my love and affection as much as I want hers? I want a needy baby- I’m sure I’ll be eating those words soon- and am afraid of having an independent lady! I guess it also has something to do with the fact that I have her with me 24/7 now, so not feeling her every move and having to give her space while she sleeps is scary to me.
Oddly enough, it’s not even the big things like labor, birth, potential complications, or anything like that that have me worried! Isn’t that strange? Maybe it’s because we all inherently worry about those things, and these are new to me. Maybe it’s because I like to pick the most random, obscure things in life to worry about. Or maybe I’m just a mama-to-be, and this is natural.
Tell me, did you have any pregnancy fears? I’d love to know I’m not alone 🙂