So, as this pregnancy progresses (completely normally so far, thank God!) I can’t help but worry/fear some things. I think it’s totally normal when you are, ya know, just bringing new life into the world, but I wanted to write about them for a few reasons: 1) to be able to look back on them and laugh (hopefully!), 2) to hear about others’ similar fears or concerns and 3) to let any other readers with the same fears see this and know they are not alone!
So without further ado, my top pregnancy fears are revealed:
Having a preemie
And not even just a preemie, but a micro-preemie. I have no idea why this is topping my list of fears, but it is! Around week 22 or 23, I randomly happened upon several different blogs where, unfortunately, things happened and the babies did not survive. There were three of these in one week, and it was right as I was approaching the time when the baby could be viable outside of the womb (24 weeks). I just started having nightmares that she was going to come before 28 weeks, and I just can’t seem to shake the fear, even though I am sure it’s irrational and totally unwarranted. I mean, I couldn’t ask for a better pregnancy (now, at least- there were some issues at the beginning that had us worried, but now everything is going as well as it can be!) So truly, I have no reason for these fears, it was just a weird manifestation that has seemed to stick. And you know what? Even if the baby does come early, I have every faith that she will thrive as a preemie!
We won’t be ready in time
I guess this really goes with my fears that she’ll come early, but one of my biggest fears lately is that we just won’t be physically ready for her! Part of this is due to the fact that we are currently remodeling our house. We started this way back in October, and it’s been done in three phases: 1) We turned our den into a 1/2 office, 1/2 playroom, 2) We turned two extra bedrooms into a master bedroom and bathroom, and 3) We enclosed our carport to expand and make a big family room in the entrance. 1 is complete and 2 is about 90% there, but 3 is not set to be done until the end of January or early February, and with some set-backs we’ve been facing, I’m betting it will be the end of February. The issue with all this is that ALL of our stuff is EVERYWHERE. We had to bring everything into the house from dry storage so they could work down there, which means the house is a mess (and has been since October) and we can’t even work on her nursery. Now I know, I know that we still have 14 weeks (ish) before baby girl makes her big arrival, but I really want to have everything done (like, everything from nursery to hospital bag) by 34 weeks (see: Fear of having a preemie), so that really leaves us with 8 weeks. Plus, a hormonal, planner mama is allowed to worry, right?
My baby won’t want/need me as much as I want/need her
This one is probably the most unwarranted fear. It all stemmed from a dream where all I wanted to do was love and smother the baby, and she somehow morphed from newborn to toddler who was pushing me away and wanting to be independent. Since then, I’ve been thinking: what if my baby doesn’t want my love and affection as much as I want hers? I want a needy baby- I’m sure I’ll be eating those words soon- and am afraid of having an independent lady! I guess it also has something to do with the fact that I have her with me 24/7 now, so not feeling her every move and having to give her space while she sleeps is scary to me.
Oddly enough, it’s not even the big things like labor, birth, potential complications, or anything like that that have me worried! Isn’t that strange? Maybe it’s because we all inherently worry about those things, and these are new to me. Maybe it’s because I like to pick the most random, obscure things in life to worry about. Or maybe I’m just a mama-to-be, and this is natural.
Tell me, did you have any pregnancy fears? I’d love to know I’m not alone 🙂
email@example.comJanuary 17, 2014 at 4:04 pm
Uhm, what about whether or not she’ll be as cool as her cousins..? Just sayin’.
amanda23rodriguezJanuary 20, 2014 at 2:23 pm
That’s definitely a list-topper! Especially with all the girls coming- it’s going to be like a mini beauty pageant!
firstname.lastname@example.orgJanuary 17, 2014 at 4:08 pm
Also, my second doesn’t want me as much as I want him…it does hurt a little (or a lot) bit but I just remind him that he’s mean and that I’ll put him outside if he doesn’t start loving me more often.
amanda23rodriguezJanuary 20, 2014 at 2:22 pm
HA! Tough love.
CarmenJanuary 23, 2014 at 3:14 am
Ok, the ‘aged’ one will now speak….first of all Amanda, I love your blog! It’s very appealing and you write very well, chica!
Secondly, back to the topic at hand. Fear is obviously a common human trait and pregnancy can be overwhelming at times, the surge of hormones doesn’t help and we live in a world that places huge demands on us….but part of your fear is probably very mixed with incredible excitement! The wonder and awe of a new life that you (and that cool husband of yours) are responsible for.
More than anything, your new baby girl will probably love her nursery, all of the changes you are making to the house and of course, her growing wardrobe, but the only thing she absolutely needs is YOU & CELE, ready to engage in the most beautiful, special, coolest relationship ever!
So, from someone who is really enjoying the panorama as I watch the ‘next’ generation in the familia start their own mini-clans, experience & perspective might help.
You have another piece on multi-tasking and I think that the concluding thoughts were that we can do some things(superficial) simultaneously, but not so much with tasks that require our whole selves to complete. The house stuff will take care of itself in stages, but the baby requires your entire attention span!
That little girl who is totally dependent on you guys-especially you for now – might scare you a bit (I was terrified of bathing newborns!), but that will fade quickly when you meet face to face, when you realize that she was always meant to be for you to love, care for and raise, every blessed (& a little scary) step of the way! Hope this helps a bit 🙂
“For I know the plans I have for you, plans for hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29)
amanda23rodriguezJanuary 23, 2014 at 4:58 pm
Wow, thank you so much for this! We are so excited to meet her, and I know all these fears will fade away and become unimportant the moment I lay eyes on her.
Thank you for your advice- we can’t wait for you all to get to meet her, as well! She’s already lucked out in the family department 😉