I’ve decided to write letters to my babies, Anissa and Tino, as they come to me and I feel the need. Nothing forced, nothing planned. Just letters to my babies, that they can read throughout the years as they grow up.
I say that now, but by the time you can read these letters, you won’t be anymore, and that kills me to think about. I know it’s inevitable, this growing up thing, but I (selfishly) wish I could keep it from happening to you. You see, you two are my babies, you always have been, and you always will be, no matter how many times you scream “I never see you again” (a current favorite of Anissa’s). You’re a part of me.
As I rocked you to sleep, my sweet Tino, you nursed and snuggled, and you just fit perfectly into me, because you are a part of me. You’re sweet breaths as I laid you down, the way you snuggle under the cover as I tuck you in; that will always be a part of me.
As I laid down to tell you story after story until you fell asleep, Anissa, I played with your hair, and realized that your wild, brown curls are my wild brown curls, because you are a part of me. You mumbled that you loved me (in your sleep with your words slurring and your eyes fluttering) and I will never forget the sound of those words, because they are a part of me.
It’s crazy, really, when I sit back and think about the fact that I helped create you two. Like, mind-blowing, actually. You really, truly are the best parts of me. Your attitudes, your demeanors, even down to your little toes. We are reflections of each other, and I couldn’t be prouder when I look in the mirror and see you two. You are the biggest gifts I’ve ever received, and I want you to know how much I cherish you two- because you are a part of me.
I think I’m feeling especially emotional because, my Anissa, you are about to go on your first international adventure- to Cuba! You’re leaving Saturday and will be gone for 8 long days with Papi. I’m so excited for you, but my eyes fill with tears every time I imagine seeing you walk the other way in the airport, your little backpack on your back, showing me what a big kid you are. Will you cry when we part? Will you ask for me on the flight? Hopefully, I’m just preparing for the worst. I know you’ll have an amazing time, and it will be harder on me than you. Because you’re a part of me, and until that part is back, I won’t be whole.
I love you, my little ones.